Where Else?

 

I was pleasantly surprised at the warm welcome I got when I died.

The trumpet sounded, and the pearly gates swung open, and St Peter with his notebook waved me in. He asked a few questions, which I was well able to answer. I had done well in my earthly life, and could point to a string of achievements which should stand me in good stead. should I have to give an account of myself. In addition to many honours and awards, I had made a decent pile for my heirs to inherit.

Altogether I was justifiably confident that on the day of judgement I should acquit my self thoroughly well.

St Peter agreed with me and ushered me in. At the Reception Desk I was greeted respectfully by a flunkey, who handed me my keys, and called another flunkey to show me to my suite. It was luxurious---spotlessly clean, and there was a drinks cupboard stocked with cocktails. Would I like to order dinner straight way, or would I prefer to go down to the dining room, and choose at leisure?

I was tired, and decided to have a bath first, I had a couple of drinks while the flunkey ran the bath for me, and felt much better in consequence. In due course I went down to the dining room, and had an excellent dinner, then watched a TV programme until I felt ready for bed. As I put on my pyjamas, I noticed that a double bed had been prepared for me, and it was indicated that if I wished, a partner would be available to ensure a satisfying night. And it was indeed a satisfying night. I woke refreshed, full of vim, and after breakfast had a session in the gymnasium, getting up an appetite for lunch, which again was excellent. And so the days passed, with every slight inclination immediately gratified. But it ceased to titilate my jaded palate. It began to pall. I became exasperated at the monotony of it all; an unending sequence of tomorrows, with no point to them all. . At last I could contain myself no longer, and blurted out ``For heaven's sake, this is intolerable. I might as well be in Hell''

``Where else did you think you were?''