Michaelmas 99
 

This social was on Wednesday of third week, we started off in Wadham, moved slowly to Keble then waivered between going to G&D's or the Purple Turtle. In the end the Turtle won and we ended the night there (or at least some of us did!). No one had a camera, so there are no pictures of people.

Many things happened while in Keble. A very revealing game of 'I have never' uncovered a lot of hiden secrets. In a break from tradition we have decided to judge the entrants into the social and have made the following awards for services to the life saving club.

 

The Dark Horse Award

The dark horse award, given for being so much more interesting than anyone ever thought possible goes to Jon Braithwaite of Wadham. We feel that Jon deserves this prestigious award in recognition of his services to handcuff, whipped cream and riding crop manufacturers world wide. Jon also deserves this award because before this social, we thought that he was such a nice boy. Innocent looking and unable to hurt a fly, how wrong we were. We also note that Jon usually had to spend a great deal of time thinking of things which he had never done.

 

The Sacred Order of the Multistory Car Park

The SOMSCP is awarded to the person who has admitted to the greatest number of vehicle related 'I have nevers'. This year Jo Hemmingway also of Wadham scoops this prize for her highly dedicated work in the fields of 'Cars in motion', 'Cars in laybys', 'Multi Story Car Parks' and 'Buses'.

Jo is no stranger to winning awards, only last year she accepted the 'Shark of the College' from Wadham JCR, being the only Woman ever to have done so. We wish her every sucess in obtaining further recognition in this field and believe that it will be only a short time before she appears in the Cherwell's Jane Evelyn Column

 

Sub Aqua Award

For services to not breathing for extending periods of time, we endow the sub aqua award to Jon Braithwaite and Ruth Holland. This pair will now be known as the Ruthon©. At the start of the evening, very little looked likely to happen on the pulling front but with a little help the Ruthon was created in a corner of the Purple Turtle. Once conjoined the Ruthon was almost impossible to seperate and was last seen sharing a chair and still going at it when everyone else left.

We hope that Ruth knows what she is letting herself in for and hope that the Ruthon will be less sickening than the Chrisaimee

 

Prize for Extraordinary Temperance

The prize for extraordinary temperance in the face of so much alcohol goes to Alex Gough of St Hugh's. After only one pint he requested a 'Coke or Pepsi' from the free drinks, he was instead given the toxic mixture of Jack Daniels and Coke. Once in Keble he was heard to complain 'that he didn't feel too good', was suffering from 'a really bad cold' and 'had been for a long run in the afternoon'. In the face of mocking taunts he still ordered a 'pint of Pepsi and Pepsi' before finally having a pint of real alcohol during the 'I have never' game.

Once in the Purple Turtle Alex drank only Lemonade, Coke and Red Bull. This had the unfortunate effect of leaving him sober while trying to coax Caroline home past lines of inviting traffic cones. The committee is said to be disgraced by his behaivour but he is unlikely to change his ways.

 

Mentioned in Dispatches

In addition to the major award winners we can report that the club got off with itself, enjoyed many a group hug and drank enough alcohol to sink a small ship. The following people all deserve a mention because they were there.