Our much-loved and adored president has asked me to mention freshers’ week next term. The Chippendales haven’t confirmed that they can help us yet but we are fairly confident that they will show up. (About as sure as the Keble ball committee would be). However, just in case they don’t, we have an alternative plan for luring all those unsuspecting freshers into the club.

Noughth Week:
Wed - setting up the stall at freshers’ fair.
Thur & Fri - manning the stall at freshers’ fair.

First Week:
Wed - 3pm Freshers’ event in Uni’ Parks.
7:30pm Freshers’ drinks in Merton JCR.
Sat - more freshers’ orienteering in Shotover.

We need as many people as possible to help with all of these, especially the ones that involve orienteering.

Also wanted are a few big boards, some posters about orienteering, orienteering photos and a woman for Hedley.

Well, the long, hot, hazy days of summer have finally arrived, perfect for nothing but spending the whole summer orienteering.

The fearsome foursome of Duncan, Hedley, Cumpster and the old and wrinkly Nick,

Then, just when they start to think that things can’t get any better it is back to Britain for the maps and midges of Scotland. This should live up to everyone’s expectations with fun guaranteed for all the family!

Whilst we thought that our favourite fourth year physicist was tucked away in the library revising hard for her finals, she has really been living a life of pleasure.

Not once but twice has the lady in question been seen wandering the streets of Oxford with an older man. Reports have come in that Miss Sinclair has also been seen carrying a bouquet of flowers around her college. There seems to be only one explanation for this state of affairs, Miss Sinclair must surely have found herself a bloke.

As the end of term approaches, Hedley’s search for a woman has still not come to fruition. This, combined with Duncan’s failure to locate the dodgy shop on Cowley Road has meant that Hedley is far from being the happy chappy that he could be.

Well, "Search and ye shall find", as they say. Hedley should take heart from Nicky’s impressive performance at acquiring a new bloke without ever being single.

Phil-mystery-man-Cooper is a gossip columnists worst nightmare. Someone who they are sure is up to something but they just can’t work out what exactly it is. Ask the frisbee rep for details and he will tell you that she is just a friend but can we be so sure?

Not content with having half the British Squad in the club, ShUOC have started poaching females from other universities.

Katherine seems fairly sure that she’ll be leaving Oxford for good at the end of this term and heading north in search of a more interesting course. However, I’m sure that it won’t do any harm kissing her feet and begging her to stay here. If that doesn’t work, good luck to her and may she lead all of ShUOC astray!

I am sure that this won’t be the last that we shall see of Tim but he has finished his course here and is off into the big wide world.

This is definitely a great event, as mentioned several times in the last newsletter and yet, we still don’t seem to have found seven people to run in it. Are you men or mice?

Names to Duncan asap.

The new committee met for the first time ever a couple of weeks ago to eat chocolate biscuits and talk about sundry important matters. I can’t think of much that was actually said but I thought that you ought to know that it had happened.

Have a great holiday and send me lots of postcards and titbits for next term’s newsletter. I think we’ll have a bumper issue for those fun-seeking freshers.

May the sun shine and the midges not bite!