A young single guy on a cruise ship is having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and sinks, but the guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark infested sea to a remote island. Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, unconscious, barely breathing. She's also managed to wash up on shore from the sinking ship. He makes his way over to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing again. She looks at him, wide eyed and grateful and says, "You saved my life, I'm so grateful, you're my hero."
He suddenly realizes the woman is Cameron Diaz. Days and weeks go by. Cameron and the guy are living on the island together.
They've set up a hut, there's plenty of fruit on the trees, and they're in heaven. Cameron's fallen madly in love with our man, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night. Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum. "What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks "We have a wonderful life together, I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?"
He says, "Actually, Cameron, there is. Would you mind putting on my shirt?"
"Sure," she says, "if it will help."
He takes off his shirt and she puts it on. "Now would you put on my trousers?" he asks.
"Sure, honey, if it's really going to make you feel better." she says.
"Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little moustache on your face?" he asks.
"Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does.
Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?"
She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later.
He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says,
"Mate! You'll never believe who I'm shagging!!"
There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded:
One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere.
. . .
One Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois".
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the woman and started swimming.
The two Swedish men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own and the true nature of feminism. But at least it's not snowing and the taxes are low.
The Irish began by dividing their island Northside-Southside and setting up a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture, cause it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut-whiskey, but at least they know the English aren't getting any...
An ambitious software engineer finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life. At least for a while. A hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost instantly. The man found himself swept up on the shores of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to four-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old life, and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.
One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to him. In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from, and how did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," the software engineer said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"It's only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up: nothing did."
He was confused, "Then how did you get the rowboat?"
"Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made it out of raw material that found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum-tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a eucalyptus tree."
"But, but, that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or hardware - how did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," the woman said. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual stratum of exposed alluvial rock. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that to make tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But enough of that. Where do you live?"
Sheepishly, the man confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time. "Well, let's row over to my place then," she said.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like to have a drink?"
"No, no, thank you," he said, still dazed. "I couldn't drink another drop of coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have made a still - How about a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the software engineer accepted,and they sat down on her couch to talk.
After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to have a shower and a shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is absolutely amazing," he mused. "What next?"
When he returned, the woman greeted him strategically positioned - and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she began suggestively, slithering closer to him, brushing her leg against his, "We've both been out here for a very long time.You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing to do for all of these months."
She stared into his eyes.
He couldn't believe what he was hearing - this was like all of his dreams coming true in one day.
"You mean...," he replied, "I can check my e-mail from here?"