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Letter from Mr. Midwife

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Letter from Mr. Midwife to the European Cell

Member of the European Cell,

Although at this stage in the paperwork it would be premature of me to adopt too admonitory a tone of address, the Illuminati as a whole is not currently persuaded of the implicit assurance of unanimous loyalty to 0001 made by your departure en masse from your annual meeting.

Serious accusations have been made against your Cell by a member of the 12, and although the known animosity between Houses Sagittarius and Libra since the Khiron Affair has prevented us from reaching a quick decision on the matter, while it is being investigated you may consider yourselves all under probation, and both Tamerlane Khan and the Seventh temporarily removed from their offices as members of the 12 until a full enquiry has yielded a satisfactory conclusion.

In the meantime, Augustus Egarts has been proven guilty of attack with intent to kill against a member of the 12 and been served with an order of Infernal Demolition by a Libran council.

There are now sufficient grounds to warrant the ordering of the destruction against members of your Cell by Illuminati operatives all round the world, a penalty never before invoked against a whole Cell, and one which would be tiresome and exceedingly fatal. However, a period of grace has been allotted to you to satisfactorily deal with the following matters.

(1) The Infernal Demolition of Augustus Egarts will all due promptitude.

(2) The Infernal Demolition of Timothy Stafford for the murder of the Gemini member of the 12, which your Cell has proved suspiciously inept at carrying out.

(3) A plausible explanation of the attempted murder of the Aquarian member of the 12, and the surrender of the culprits to Illuminati authority. I believe that Madam Blavatsky has already deprived your Cell of the use of the Aquarian Philosopher's Stone due to ineptitude on this subject.

(4) The carrying out of orders given to your Cell directly by 0001. As you seem to be too stupid to understand that you need not all be given the same set of orders to accomplish the dissonances and harmonies that are necessary for the completion of the Great Scheme, we will advise only that anyone refusing to act in accordance with their given orders will be made immediate examples of.

If the Khan's allegations should prove in any way, it would appear that your Cell has decided to opt out of the beneficent structure of the Illuminati for its own misguided ends. As it is impossible that any sane beings would consider abandoning the great protection and guidance offered by 0001 in its wisdom and mercy, to no apparent purpose that we can discern, thus opening themselves up to instant dissolution of all physical and metaphysical assets, we are currently poring over the psychological profiles of your Cell with much perplexity.

Hoping that this will soon be cleared up to our satisfaction,

Mr Midwife (Libran Procedural Expert)