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Inferno 1876 News


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INFERNO

News 1876

(sources: The Times, the Inferno News Service, and various others)

LORD HARTLEY JARVIS SLAIN

The only son of the Duke of Jarvis was murdered by an unknown assailant in June of this year. Persistent rumours that his death was the result of an affair of honour involving his sister, the Honourable Clarissa Jarvis, have been denied by the Duke's spokesman. The disappearance of Mersuavin Powers, recent heir to the title of Lord Crail, to Paris is thought to be coincidental.

RUSSIANS, PRUSSIANS CLASH

The town of Kernow on the Prussian-Russian border was the scene of a bloody skirmish this year when Brigadier Kropotnik clashed with local Prussian militia. Order was with difficulty restored only after the belligerent Brigadier had been felled by a lucky musket shot between the eyes. The increasing bloodthirstiness of the Russian people must be a source of great worry to their Prussian neighbours, especially given the instability of the current Tsar. Given his threatening behaviour towards France too in recent years, can he be mad enough to believe that he can take on the whole of Europe with the might of his armies?

HUMAN-POWERED FLIGHT

Dr Peter Tavener, the prominent Oxford scientist, has developed a human-powered device capable of flight. Based on the motive principle of the bicycle, the apparatus allows a single aviator to achieve height of several feet and speeds comparable to that of a cantering horse.

PRESS BARON EUGENE SUE SLAIN

The French-Bavarian press baron and industrialist Eugene Sue was found dead last Friday near the docksides of Marseilles. Mr. Sue was apparently kidnapped and bludgeoned to death with a piece of lead piping. It is not clear how his press empire, including the mighty Suddeutsche Zeitung and most Hungarian industry, will react.

BRITISH DETECTIVE SOLVES THE CASE OF THE TEMPESTUOUS PARROT

The famed British Private Investigator Meridian Macey-Dare yesterday announced the completion of her toughest case to date. Scotland Yard police officers were said to be "Baffled" as to how Miss Macey-Dare was able to piece together intricate clues that led to the arrest of Archibald Snee for the abduction of Lady Wimona Williks. Lady Williks - freed from two weeks of captivity - said she was "profoundly and deeply grateful" for the skill and daring of Miss Macey-Dare, who also rescued Lady Williks from Snee's hide-out.

PRE-RAPHAELITE BROTHERHOOD THROWS PARTY IN PARIS

The Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood - artistic and cultural movement - has been spreading its influence into France. The party was attended by many of the prime movers in the Bohemian society of the Left Bank, and was declared a great success by its hosts.

BRITISH EXPLORER APPEALS FOR HELP WITH EXPEDITION TO ATLANTIS

The great British explorer Colonel Mustard has requested aid with his plans to launch an archeological dig to Atlantis. "I would be there already if it weren't for the fact that it's at the the bottom of the bally ocean," said a somewhat disgruntled Colonel.

DR SCHRECK DIES IN FREAK METEOR SHOWER

Renowned scientist Dr Schreck perished earlier this year in a freak meteor shower which utterly destroyed his laboratory complex. Readers will recall the good doctor coming to prominence when he rather wildly announced to the Prussian Congress of Deputies that the world was to end in sixteen years. 'His death may be seen as a merciful release,' one colleague who wished to remain anonymous commented.

VERNE CANNONS YET TO BE RECONSTRUCTED

The pride and joy of France's armed forces, the mighty Verne cannons, are yet to be reconstructed after their demolition by a freak meteor shower early last year. Why is the government dragging its heels over this vital project, French opposiiton spokesmen are demanding to know.

METEOR SHOWER HITS AMERICA

Reports have reached us of a freak meteor shower in America: sizable meteorites were seen to crash to earth over a period of several days, across the nation.

CIRCUSES BUT NO BREAD FOR RUSSIANS

Proof of the growing decadence of the Russian Empire, if any were needed, is to be found in the legalization of real gladiatorial combats as entertainment for the population. Will the Tsar fiddle as his nation burns?

NEW FINANCE ACT

The Private Finance In Public Work Act has been passed in Great Britain: on approved schemes, Her Majesty's Government will match private funding pound for pound with public money. Prime Minister Mey's convictions that this would attract considerable foreign investment seem to have been justified with the announcement that the Argentinian company Mercosur Atlantico will be subsidizing a Transbrittanic high speed railway link and an amazing clockwork seaport at Plymouth, keeping the UK at the very forefront of European technological progress. Mercosur's chairman Senor de Moltke is also finalizing plans to construct another such seaport in New York.

CLOCKWORK SEAPORT

Great Britain's spanking new seaport opened for business this December. Designed by noted technologist Professor Hugo Victor and powered entirely by clockwork, Victoriaport, located near Plymouth and readily accessible by rail, will allow Britain's merchant traders unrivalled deep-sea access. Eat your heart out Johnny foreigner!

MP LEMONTHWAITE RESIGNS

Albert Lemonthwaite, Conservative Member for Great Pagwell and noted industrialist, has resigned from the House of Commons in order to spend more time with his family. This follows the recent announcement of his daughter Elizabeth's marriage to Mr Richard Brice.

GENERAL CONFUSION?

Rumour has it that Her Majesty is considering a change in the post of Chief of Staff in the British armed forces, but no definite announcement has been made about any potential candidates.

WE'RE ALL RIGHT JACK

A private review board has voted British MPs a 2% above the rate of inflation pay rise.

BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

The Austrians and Prussians have at long last signed a treaty solidifying their borders and proclaiming a new era of friendship. A few years ago it seemed that Prussia would not stop before all of Austria had been crushed under its war machine, but the assassination of General von Moltke turned advance into retreat. Colonel Bargeld was reportedly "relieved" to sign the treaty with the noted Austrian negotiator Friedrich von Ardsburg.

CHANGES IN THE WORLD OF TRANSPORT

Our financial staff tell us that much railway stock has been changing hands on the continent, as many big investors in this field seem to be pulling out their interests. Whether they feel that the railways have passed their prime as stock, or are changing their porfolios to reinvest in businesses unknown, these changes are sure to cause ripples of concern in the financial markets.

THE PEASANTS ARE REVOLTING

Discontent is rife, as ever, in southern Italy. Many have had to flee the tyrannical rule of the Medicis in recent years, but at last the people are finding a small but united voice of protest.

US, JAPAN TO TALK

US Congressman Andrew Perry is to mount a diplomatic mission to Japan in the New Year. Perry, whose father Admiral William Perry led the expedition to Japan which disappeared in 1848, said he was keen to breach the Nipponese's curtain of silence and to establish a cross-Pacific friendship between his nation and theirs.

THE WORLD OF LETTERS

Alfred Tennyson has been granted a life peerage for his services to poetic endeavour. The playwright Henrik Ibsen is gaining success throughout Europe for his modernization of the dramatic form, and Sarah Bernhardt's new Parisian theatre is proving most popular. Charles Dickens is also said to be "fit as a fiddle" after the fitting of his steam pacemaker.

COLONEL DIGS IN SUMERIA, RESULTS TO BE ANNOUNCED

Colonel Mustard covered his disappointment over the failed Atlantean project by leading another dig in Sumeria, home of the oldest civilisation known to man. His findings are to be announced shortly.

NEW RUSSIAN ARMY CHIEF?

Karl Davchenko is hotly tipped to be the next Supreme Commander of the Russian armies. Certainly his unbelievable dedication to improving the quality and discipline of the forces under his control has been remarked upon by his superiors.