Oxford University Role Playing Games Society
Inferno 1882 News
"MATCHBOX" MATHEN CARS GIVEN AWAY AT EXPO
A treat for the crowd at this year's Florence EXPO 82 came in the form
of 'Matchbox' Model Ms - tiny versions of the increasingly popular
Steampowered MotorCars. These were produced - in front of the public's
amazed eyes - in a small-scale M5 factory line that was set up as part
of the EXPO. Clockwork arms worked to swing around the parts into
position, and 'computer' controlled lathes cut pieces to size before
they were assembled. The newly improved M5 factory set up requires
even less staff than before, and allows for even faster production -
thus Mathen Industries was able to afford to give away these
collectors' items to the delighted public.
HOUDINI FREE WITH ONE BOUND
The amazing magician and escape artist Harry Houdini has spent the
year touring Europe, performing amazing and death-defying feats in all
the towns through which he passed. In Munich, people were amazed to
see him free himself seemingly instantaneously from the city jail,
having being searched and heavily bound, whilst in Paris he was seen
to free himself from a straight jacket whilst dangling hundreds of
feet in the air.
SOUTH-EAST ASIA OPENS TO AUSTRIANS
The Sultan of Java has entered into a trade agreement with the
Austrian Empire, of potentially great benefit to both parties.
POPE SLAIN - WORLD MOURNS
The Catholic world beat its breast with grief as news spread of the
death of Pope Pius IX, assassinated by a crazed madman during his
Ascension Day address to the faithful in St Peter's Square. His
Holiness was slain by a bullet between the eyes, fired from a nearby
balcony - the unknown killer escaped while all nearby were paralysed
with horror and shock, and despite an immense police operation is
thought to be still at large. But who would want to lay low this
gentle, peaceful man of God, a friend to all?
HOUSE FOR FALLEN WOMEN SET UP IN LONDON
We are glad to report on a new charitable initiative in our capital
city - a house open to those women who have fallen into moral decay
has been opened. Those truly destitute, or trapped into vice, may
request a place to stay in this house, where they will receive moral
counselling and the medical care they require. Finally someone is
prepared to stand up against the moral decay of our capital!
GRAND DUCHESS ANASTASIA CONTINUES HER GOOD WORKS
The serfs of Russia continue to hail Grand Duchess Anastasia for her
good works on their behalf, and for continuing in her strivings to set
up schools and hospitals for them, and to alleviate the suffering
brought on by the increasingly cold weather. She remains the serfs'
favourite amongst the royal family.
CHRIDGE TAKES ON UNSAVOURY HUE
Last night, mysteriously missed by guards and workmen, someone snuck
onto the Channel Bridge and painted the sides in glorious streaks of
colour, leaving the monumental Chridge looming like a huge rainbow
across the English Channel. Whether this was merely a prank or some
publicity stunt remains to be seen, but several people working on the
bridge have already commented that it brightens up the place.
ARDSBURG HIDES LIGHT UNDER BUSHEL
After his removal from the political scene Friedrich von Ardsburg has
remained out of the public eye all year. He is continuing to
administer his social reform programmes and has issued statements
denying any involvement in the Mey scandal and any foreign
ancestry. His popularity remains undiminished with the many poor folk
aided by his welfare work.
NEW POPE ELECTED
While the faithful were still reeling at the untimely death of Pope
Pius IX, the College of Cardinals convened in closed session to elect
his successor. There were from the start only two candidates of any
merit, Cardinal Baggio and Cardinal della Rovere. After three rounds
of voting, puffs of white smoke appeared from the College's chimney to
announce "habemus Papam" - "we have a Pope". The new Pope, Cardinal
Roi della Rovere, has taken the name Pius X in tribute to his
predecessor. In his inaugural address he vowed to continue Pius IX's
good works, and called for all the faithful to bear the word of the
Lord close in their hearts in these troubled times.
A RIVAL FOR KORENSKY?
The Russian court is full of rumours that the path of love is not
running smoothly for Korensky - his attempts to woe the beautiful
Anastasia have apparently met with little interest from the woman
herself. Insiders even claim that she only has eyes for another - the
dashing war hero Karl Davchenko.
'PAUPER'S COMFORT' GIVEN FREE TO POOR
The latest boon to civilisation provided by our Terran friends is 'The
Pauper's Comfort', a cunning device which can be fed with potato
peelings and other household waste, these being then converted into
useful heat energy which is radiated to warm the dwelling. How
fortunate we are in these wintry times to be blessed with their
generosity: they have provided the machine free to every poor family
KORENSKY SENT ABROAD
Piotr Korensky, the rising star of the Russian court, has now been
made an ambassador - he is to become the Russian Ambassador to the
highly important Nordic Alliance. Such a post will require him to move
to Iceland and will certainly put a damper on his relationship with
The great prophet Odinsson has written a new text for his religious
devotees relaying the insights granted him by Odin about life, the
universe, and Ragnarok. The great book, 'The Lay of Odinsson: Visions
beyond Ragnarok' is being heralded by the Asatru as the most momentous
religious text of the millennium.
All was smiles, flowers and fluffy lambkins in Italy this year, as the
leaders of the Federation of North Italy, the Republic of Rome and the
Republic of Naples and Venice met. Lady d'Asti, President Maldini and
President Garibaldi discussed matters of social welfare in their
nations: it looks very much as though the health, education and legal
reforms initially instituted by Ariadne de Triora in Florence will
soon be shared throughout the peninsula, to the great benefit of all
MOLTKE DESIGNS CATHEDRALS
Juan Fernandez de Moltke is clearly a man of many talents: he designed
three new Catholic cathedrals himself, their design a pleasing dome
shape topped with a 100-metre-tall pointed spire.
KORENSKY TO BE RECALLED?
Rumours are spreading in Moscow that the Tsar is considering recalling his
dearest courtier Piotr Korensky, so that his romance with Grand Duchess
Anastasia can continue: apparently things just haven't been the same around the
Hermitage palace since Korensky took up his ambassadorial duties.
GRIM FEARS CONFIRMED: WINTER HERE TO STAY
No sign of a letup in the worsening weather, in fact the decline has
intensified this year. North of Helsingborg it now seems to be
continuous winter, and apparently has been for the last two and a half
years in certain northern regions of Iceland. Prospects for the future
look no better.
JAPANESE TEXTS PUBLISHED
Bavarian academic Gottfried Dammerung has published a series of translations of
Japanese texts. Interest in the books, which include 'Seventeen Celestial
Truths' and 'The Book of Imaginings', has been high, and has fuelled European
curiosity concerning the mysterious land.
DONAVELLI "NOT AS BAD AS ALL THAT, SURELY"
Arachne d'Asti went public in support of her assistant Giacomo Donavelli,
slamming those shadowy forces who had sought to criticise him for being crazed,
venal and in the pocket of Garibaldi.
KORENSKY SUBJECT OF SCANDAL
A scandal is breaking in the Russian courts, after a small newspaper
ran a story naming Piotr Korensky as being responsible for making
pregnant a serving maid. It is alleged that Korensky then refused to
have anything to do with the woman whose innocence he had stolen. This
previous favourite of the Tsar - even to the extent of being linked to
Grand Duchess Anastasia - is likely to find his popularity falling
rapidly as this scandal takes hold.
PRINCE OF WALES ENMESHED IN SCANDAL
The European papers are full of lurid accounts and photographs of
young Prince Bertie's scandalous behaviour with adolescent boys and
common prostitutes. It is a great blow for the British monarchy, to be
seen fallen this low.
TRANSLATION? UTS SIMPLE!
Klaum Krohne and Gottfried Dammerung, the noted scholars, have
announced a joint venture under the name of the 'Universal Translation
Service'. They promise to translate documents between any
languages. Several collectors and museums have made use of the
service, which has even been able to decipher documents in languages
never before translated.
EUROPEAN ROYALS UNDER ATTACK
Members of the royal families of the Germanic countries have been
attacked on several occasions whilst out riding or in their carriages,
by demonically savage animals or crazed humans. Queen Irena and her
son Friedrich were almost torn to pieces by a pack of rabid dogs, and
several members of Emperor Franz Joseph's family have actually
perished while travelling abroad.
Professor Hugo Victor has leapt to the defence of his ROK MI AMADEUS
technology with an article in the Proceedings of the Royal Society. He
points out that all workers on the project are paid, not slaves; that
clockwork is much cleaner, quieter and more efficient than steam; and
that his detractor Professor Sheridan's new clock is bigger, more
expensive, noisier, consumes more fuel, and who needs to be more
accurate than 0.01s anyway?
LAWS AGAINST 'NON-HUMANS' PASSED IN HOLLAND
Holland, which for no readily apparent reason remains strangely hostile towards
our Terran friends, has now passed laws deliberately aimed at causing problems
for them and their supporters. Firstly the law requires all those individuals
lucky enough to own items of Terran technology to declare them, and secondly
requires that all "non-human, sentient individuals in the country to make their
presence and activities known." We must all hope that the Terrans are not
offended by these eccentric requests - Holland has always been somewhat of a
backward country - and that these laws do not represent the beginning of some
action against the Terrans in this strange land.
NOT JUST A MINE OF INFORMATION
Gottfried Dammerung, the British representative in South Africa, has made a
remarkable profit in the minerals business, having bought up large areas of
previously unmined land, along with several existing mines. The source of his
capital is unknown.
EVERY HOME SHOULD HAVE ONE
We hear that the height of fashion is to own a Dutch Butler graduated from the
newly created "Dutch School of Butlering Excellence". Apparently standards of
education, linguistics, and etiquette are exceptionally high at this academy,
and there is already a waiting list to employ its graduates.
The following story was turned down by every reputable newspaper in Britain,
only to find publication in a student paper in the Symplastique nest of Oxford
"Friedrich von Ardsburg had nothing to do with the Mey incident. Mey is guilty
of that crime and worse. Mey also had the Minister for Agriculture and his wife
murdered when they turned against him prior to the last election. Following the
election it was he who murdered the PM and the Liberal leader and used the
excuse of Scottish nationalism to seize his power. If you play Ardsburg's
recorded confession backwards you'll hear that it was extracted under torture.
These "Terrans" he has brought to England are not as friendly as he claims. He
is using them to control the country and they are using the country to satisfy
their hunger for human brains. It is they that are behind the Lobottery. They
suck out your brain and eat it after which you are under their control and act
obnoxiously. America has already fallen to them which is why Americans are so
obnoxious. Don't let them eat your brain. Stop the aliens and also Mey. -
Anonymous for fear of being killed by the alien invaders, if they knew I, their
trusted friend, were betraying them."
Needless to say this garbled nonsense has been soundly ridiculed by
right-thinking individuals everywhere.
PRINCESS TAKES OVER IN LIECHTENSTEIN
The King of Liechtenstein has officially given over the responsibility for the
running of his country's affairs to his more vigorous daughter Annabella.
MAD LEAFLETS FROM THE SKY - PROPAGANDA ATTACK ON 4TH OF JULY PARADE
Disturbing news from New York where the 4th of July festivities where disturbed
by a strange sight - some bizarrely-dressed person on a bizarre flying machine
swooped above the crowds of celebrating parade-goers, and dumped thousands of
leaflets onto the crowds. These leaflets were of the most unsavoury kind - a
despicable collection of lies, slander, and deception about our Terran friends.
This stunt, clearly organised by some disillusioned individual fearful of the
wonderful future the Terrans bring us, caused some disruption of the Parades,
but we are glad to announce that none of our intelligent American cousins
believed for one moment the despicable lies that the leaflets contained. Alas,
we must report that the perpetrator of this crime flew away, and thus could not
be arrested by the police.
GUBBINS ROADSHOW HITS TOWN
'Technology: The Gubbins' has been on the road again this year, with
creator Klaum Krohne touring bookshops signing his new work, 'Tips and
Tricks of the Technology Masters', which coincided with the release of
the 'Clockwork' expansion. Krohne has also donated Technology decks to
hospitals, saying that 'People should keep their minds active'. He has
also spoken against the National Lobottery, saying that 'Losing your
brain is probably unpleasant'.
DIRECTRIX A HAPSBURG?
In a turn up for the genealogy books, the noted French scientist Tallow
Directrix has been discovered to be a rightful claimant to the Austrian throne
through his maternal grandfather.
BAGGIO BURSTS BUBBLE
His Eminence Cardinal Gino Baggio, 'The Divine Pony-tail', has
published a book rebutting scientists' claims as to the origin of the
universe. The so-called 'Bubble Theory' is dismissed as "a mere bubble
of intellect - all mathematics, completely without substance or
reality: an admirable stretch of the imagination." All we need to know
about the creation of the world is in the Book of Genesis, the
Cardinal points out, and in these troubled times of strengthening
religious faith his message has been well received throughout
Europe. Even in the higher circles of British society frequented by
the likes of lovely Elizabeth Siddal, it seems that Catholicism is
very much 'the in thing'.
TWO COGS SHORT OF A GEARBOX
Advertisements have appeared in the papers for a private club, run by one Mr
Bevel Gear, aiming to promote equal rights for non-humans of a mechanical
persuasion. Surely some kind of April Fool's joke?
MAD LEAFLETER STRIKES AGAIN - IN LONDON
Alas, the incident in New York earlier this year has proved not to be
a one-off. This years Guy Fawkes Night celebrations in Hyde Park were
disturbed by another shower of lying leaflets from the sky. Again our
Terran friends were the subject of foul slander, but thankfully on
this occasion the sensible people of Britain had a good use for the
leaflets - as more kindling for the bonfire!
STRIFE IN EGYPT, BRITAIN ON TOP
Tours of the pyramids have been cancelled as Indian troops of the
British Empire stormed the Nile. Egyptian forces have put up a fierce
INFLATION FEARS RECEDE
The Austrian economy is finally showing signs of recovery now that it is no
longer managed by Friedrich von Ardsburg.
>From the letter column of 'The Times':
Am I alone in bemoaning the demise of the great public hero? Whatever happened
to the heroes - all the Shakespearos? They let their Rome burn. There are no
more heroes any more.
>From the Times Letter Column:
I find I must write to you once more on the subject of "Angela, or
Innocence Maligned" currently serialised in 'England's Days
Monthly'. I had hoped after my previously expressed objections -
surely the view of any straight-thinking Englishman - this serial
would end: either with the publishers withdrawing it, or perhaps the
author being shamed into ceasing creating this filth. However, I am
disgusted to note that the series continues, and if anything it is
sinking lower into depravity! It now appears to be trying to, in some
sick way, justify the practice of prostitution! Why this odious
example of human depravity has not been destroyed I cannot imagine - I
once again call for all right-thinking readers of this publication to
call for its immediate banning, and prosecution of the author!
Brigadier T. F. Baldershot.
PIONTKOWSKI CALMS PRUSSIA
The political situation in Prussia seems to be settling down under the
enlightened guidance of Count Piontkowski, although there is still
known to be a higher than average level of Bolshevik activity in the
'SICK MAN OF EUROPE' GOES INTO A DECLINE
Trouble for the Ottomans this year as both Spain and Britain land forces in
Turkey. Can the old empire hold up against the vigorous powers of Western
THE COLONEL INVITED TO LECTURE IN OXFORD
Noted explorer and archaeologist Colonel Mustard has been invited to give a
series of special lectures at Oxford University. He is being made a special
visiting lecturer of archaeology, and many top academics are extremely keen to
cooperate with him on his current research into the historical relationship
between the Terrans and humans. The Colonel has also recently been promoted in
the Bodleian Library, and is becoming increasingly involved in the running of
the Ashmolean Museum.
ANNABELLA GETS BLANKET COVERAGE IN LIECHTENSTEIN
Princess Annabella showed herself to be more than just a pretty face
by building a blanket factory in Liechtenstein to decisively combat
the effects of global cooling in her country.
'COMMUNION' DISTRIBUTED WORLDWIDE
The new Catholic newspaper 'Communion' is now being published in all European
languages and is available throughout the world. This year it has featured
crusades heavily: their history and antecedents. Given that Cardinal della
Rovere's writings for the paper are thought to be one of the reasons why he was
elected Pope, does this hint at a crusade against paganism to be called in the
new year? Pamphlets praising St Cawrdav and the Almighty over the pagan gods
have been distributed throughout Scandinavia this year (with the deaths of
PAT PENDING'S SECRETS REVEALED!
Car designing ace Pat Pending is said to be seriously annoyed that the
secrets of his latest car engine has been published - without his
permission. An anonymous article recently appeared in several journals
giving most of the key improvements Professor Pending had made to the
engine design, its author stating "I feel these should be in the
public domain in order to level the playing field of International
Racing". It is expected that most SPAMC cars will soon make use of
Pending's (previously top secret) innovations, and this may see the
end of his winning streak at the races.
The Cheltenham Ladies Sewing Circle has roundly condemned the new Hellfire Club
set up in London. Rumours of occult practices, and diabolic initiation rituals
abound, but the club maintains its aura of secrecy and the chairman Bryn Stone
refused to comment.
IF MUSIC BE THE FOOD OF LOVE
The rousing strains of Liszt's Joffre Overture have been the accompaniment to
the young Marshal's rise to power in France.
MORE INVESTMENT IN SOUTH AFRICA
The Medici Bank has taken control of a number of gold and diamond
mines in South Africa this year. The Bank is one of the most prudent
institutions in Europe, so does this mean that it believes it safe to
back the Dutch regime against the might of Britain? With the entry of
Gottfried Dammerung's enterprise onto the same markets, though, there
must surely be a danger of Europe being flooded with these precious
commodities, and their prices plunging.
THE COLONEL COMES FROM BEHIND TO WIN!
This year saw the most exciting SPAMC championship to date with many
competitors seemingly in the running for the championship. Early it
seemed as though Professor Pat Pending might cruise away with the
championship, his improved Convert-A-Car outclassing all others in the
field, and allowing him to win the first two races by a clear
distance. However, with the publication of his 'secrets' most of the
other cars were upgraded to his standard. Thereafter racing talent
shone through, and Professor Pending consistently fell back in the
race order. Malady Evans, last year's winner, then became prominent,
taking two races with her natural driving talents. However, the
consistently successful Colonel Mustard then began to shine, with some
well polished racing tactics. He has apparently developed some new
technique called 'slide tailing' which allows a car to be 'carried
along' by a car ahead. This technique gave him the edge to win the
final two races of the season, and combined with his previous success,
this secured him the championship.
STEAK KNIVES AT DAWN
A Bolshevik attack on the Tsar's dinner table was easily foiled by the quick
thinking of his household staff.
TENNYSON CALLS FOR LOBOTTERY BAN
The Poet Laureate Alfred, Lord Tennyson has put forward a Bill in the House of
Lords calling for the institution or operation of any form of Lobottery to be
made illegal. Given the press of urgent business on Prime Minister Mey's new
government, it seems unlikely the Lobotteries (Banning) Bill will reach the
statute books before year's end.
ELIZABETH SIDDAL ABANDONS 'LIFE OF VICE' - FIRES BEERBOHM TREE
Elizabeth Siddal claims to have been inspired by the preaching of Cardinal
Baggio, who, she claims, has allowed her to see the error of her previous ways.
Giving an interview after having lengthy 'spiritual' conversations with the
Cardinal, she also announced that she was firing her long standing agent
Beerbohm Tree: "He has dragged me into immorality and vice. My life has been
swallowed up by the sinful existence I was drawn to by this terrible man.
Cardinal Baggio has opened my eyes to the truth, and I shall devout my life
henceforth to things which will benefit my fellow man. One day, perhaps God and
society will be able to forgive my indiscretions."
RUSSIA WOOS TURKS
The Ottoman negotiations with Russia are gathering steam. It is believed that
ambassador Dr Christian has offered them the chance of becoming a great naval
power once again.
LAUREATE TOURS ITALY, PUBLISHES
Lord Tennyson toured Italy this summer, visiting factories and
countryside alike, and was inspired to compose a lengthy poem
celebrating the history of the Italian people, from Roman times,
through the coming of Catholicism, to the present industrial age.
>From The Violent Times - the underground newspaper of the Symplastique movement:
MORE ON THE NATIONAL LOBOTTERY
The rumours of a so called "National Lobottery" were deliberately spread by the
Terrans and their political allies as an experiment to gauge how docile and
easily manipulated the human race is, and to measure their ability to stand up
against authority in defence of their rights. Satisfied with the results of
their experiment, the Terrans are now proceeding to take over the world so they
can do as they wish with the human race.
NEW PRUSSIAN CHURCH SITS ON FENCE
The new religion of Prussia, the Pantheistic Church of the Illuminated
and Enlightened, headed by the Kaiser, brings together Norse and
Christian beliefs into a happy unison: the church's motto is "it's PC
to be in the PCIE". The Pope has roundly condemned the PCIE as
"paganism by the back door".
TAVENER-BEDFORD 'SPACE SHIP' GOES INTO PRODUCTION
Yes! Britain leads the world in yet another field - the conquest of
the worlds beyond our own. The noted British scientists Doctor Peter
Tavener and Doctor Sir James Bedford have developed a vehicle capable
of penetrating the vast deeps of space, and it is now to be produced
for the British armed forces.
RUMOURS OF THE NATIONAL LOBOTTERY RIDICULOUS
We are disturbed that the idiotic tales of the National Lobottery are still in
circulation in some areas of society. It has yet to be discovered where these
tales originate from, but no sane individual could take them seriously.
AUSTRIA TO JOIN NORTHERN ALLIANCE?
Count Piontkowski accompanied the Kaiser to Vienna to discuss the
possibility of Austria joining the Grand Northern Alliance. It is
believed that these continuing negotiations will bring peace and unity
to the whole of Europe. As a mark of the new-found detente, noted
scientist Ariadne Digitalis was freed from her imprisonment to work
for the benefit of the whole Northern Alliance.
DEITY SWEEPS BOARD AT SKI-ING CHAMPS
There were red faces all round at the ski-ing championships held
alongside EXPO 82, as race after race was won by the Norse god of
ski-ing Skedi. Among the mortal competitors Dr Peter Tavener led the
field using new streamlined equipment he had designed himself, which
was exhibited at the EXPO and is now on sale to the general public.
CLAMP DOWN ON UNDERGROUND PRESS
The government has clamped down on the many underground newspapers that have
been used to circulate lies and libel concerning the present government in this
country. We are glad that these liars have been dealt with.
SHINY HAPPY DUTCHMEN
The Dutch have joined in the British fad of painting every ship in their navy
'FILM' INDUSTRY GATHERS PACE
Beerbohm Tree delighted the theatre-going world with two more 'film'
releases this year. 'Ghosts', written by miserable Norwegian scribe
Henrik Ibsen, stars Beerbohm Tree himself as Oswald and Elizabeth
Siddal (once again hopelessly out of her depth) as Mrs Alving, and is
filmed in continual rain. By contrast 'Journey to the Seven Planets'
was written by and stars Dan Leno, the Funniest Man on Earth,
alongside Siddal, and has had audiences rolling in the aisles
throughout the land. The various aliens the pair meet were built by
noted waxwork artist Madame Tussaud. The film is to be shown in
America next year by P T Barnum. Beerbohm Tree has demonstrated his
forward-lookingness by installing fire prevention measures in all his
theatres: now the most comfortable evenings out imaginable!
ELIZABETH SIDDAL FIGHTS BACK AGAINST DRUG CULTURE
Former model Elizabeth Siddal is becoming active in the fight against vice in
London. She has, at considerable personal risk, acquired a sample of the drug,
and taken it to top scientist Ariadne Digitalis in order for her to develop an
antidote. She has now, largely with her own funds, set up clinics to distribute
this antidote to the afflicted of London. With this evil drug increasing its
grip on the capital, we must all thank Miss Siddal for her actions.
DUTCH, BRITISH STAND OFF IN TRANSVAAL
English troops have stayed put in South Africa despite the arrival of Dutch
forces to relieve them. With the Dutch colonists accusing the British of foul
play on their soil, it seems there may be fighting between the two powers yet.
TRIPOLI UP IN ARMS
The former Italian colony of Tripoli has rebelled against its ruler
the Khedive, in protest against his corruption and excesses of vice.
ANNUAL PLAFOND TOURNAMENT ANNOUNCED
Next year will see the first of an annual Plafond Tournament, it was announced
by the game's inventor Sterling Vanderbilt recently.
JOFFRE NEW EMPEROR OF FRANCE
Marshal Joffre has led a military coup against Napoleon in Paris,
charging his superior with treason for weakening the French forces in
campaign after pointless campaign and for unsavoury deference to the
British. A huge mob turned out to see Napoleon guillotined and Joffre
appointed the new Emperor of France.
TRIPOLI JOINS FEDERATION
In response to calls from the Tripolitanian revolutionaries, the Federation of
North Italy has sent in troops to restore peace in the province. Under its new
people's government Tripoli is now to become a full member of the Federation
alongside Tuscany and Piedmont, with Giacomo Donavelli is its new Governor.
PRUSSIANS BOMBED TOWER
The terrorist attack on the Eiffel Tower has been discovered by a joint French
and Spanish investigation to have been the work of the militant Prussian
Pickelhaube Front, trying to start a war to revenge themselves on the heroic
liberators of Holland. Many of the terrorists were killed in a gunfight when
they attempted to perform their vile daubings on the King of Spain's palace.
REFERENDUM CONFIRMS DONAVELLI
A popular vote has confirmed Giacomo Donavelli's government in Tripoli. Voters
were offered the choice of full independence or remaining in the Federation of
North Italy under Donavelli, and plumped by a majority of three to two for the
PEREZ PRAISES PROSTHESIS
General Xavier Perez has gone on public record proclaiming the benefits of Dr
Andrew Hatchet's amazing prosthetics, and recommending that the process be used
to restore to health crippled old soldiers who have lost their limbs in recent
EXPO 82 WOWS THE MILLIONS
As the doors shut on the last reluctant home-goer, EXPO 82's
perspiring organiser Giacomo Donavelli announced that the festival had
been a great success. A whole month of the best that Europe, Japan and
even Mars had to offer in the fields of art, culture and technology,
with a colossal exhibition hall and a number of large marquees
scattered around it welcoming the eager hordes. Notable stands
included those of Mathen MotorCars, Dr Peter Tavener, Dr Ettore
Pascucci, a Japanese display of block printing on silk, and a number
of interesting items of Terran technology, including a giant
flower-bedecked tripod which stalked through the revellers. An slight
shadow was cast over part of the proceedings by the presence of
several gigantic Norse gods who loomed down out of the clouds, drawing
firm condemnation from Church representatives present.
SPANIARDS MOVE INTO KURDESTAN
Spanish troops have occupied a large area of Ottoman land, supporting
the Kurds against the local rulers to provide the mock-justification
for military conquest that the British have popularised recently.
BORDER CLASHES IN NORTH ITALY
Is the harmony seen earlier this year to be set aside so soon? Armed insurgents
from Venice have been attacking into Piedmont, burning peaceful villages.
Giacomo Donavelli has made a number of fiery speeches denouncing these attacks
and criticising Garibaldi's hypocrisy.
DAVCHENKO STRIKES AT PAGANS, THREATENS TERRANS
Karl Davchenko has initiated a programme to purge Russia of all
"unhealthy" influences, including the pagans whom he described as
"godless, heathen Satanists, not to mention anarchist/communist
subversives". He has also offended the Terrans by threatening to
execute any of them found working undercover. It seems that Russia
will stand or fall on its own, between the pagan countries of the
Northern Alliance and the pro-Terran nations of the south and west.
ALMIGHTY TO JUDGE ICELAND
A great cloud of steam formed itself into a mile-high crucifix and hung over
Iceland for forty days and forty nights. According to the church of St Cawrdav
this is a sign of God's coming judgement.
MOLTKE CALLS FOR CRUSADE
Juan Fernandez de Moltke has called upon member states of the Catholic Union to
embark on a peaceful crusade against paganism in the name of good old-fashioned
HE PREFERS 'EM YOUNG
Senor de Moltke is pleased to announce the wedding next year of his
two-year-old daughter Evita Juanita to the eldest son of the Shah of
CHINESE KICK OUT MOLTKE
The Chinese nation has severed its links with Mercosur Atlantico. Apparently it
is even more afraid of the Japanese than of the deified Moltke.