Netflyer Oxford University Role Playing Games Society
Netflyer 33

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Imagister - The B-Movie

An overly sized tower sits at the centre of a city. The city is Taeorn and the tower is the Magister's. The tower looks as if it has been built to be big and tall without any ideas of aesthetics. A man in rags walks up to the tower and gives lip to one of the guards...

"Get out my way you short ugly twonk."

"You're not allowed in there mate. That's where we keep the plot in these places."

"Yep. That's what I'm looking for. Cheers." With that, the scruffy man kicks the guard in the nackers and then as he is bent double he kicks his arse and sends him sprawling before continuing into the tower.

"Ha!" said the Magister somewhat uncertainly.

"OK. Lets cut a long story short. Nobody is going to understand who I am or anything except that you're going to die so we might as well cut skip over most of the details. If we were to mention any strange women, we probably wouldn't ever mention them again so we won't bother."

"Fair point," said the Magister and reached a hand out to the first man who crumples to the floor.

"Haha! I've won! Except this being the beginning of the story, its highly unlikely isn't it? Oh no! Whatís this? I've been tricked," said the Magister as he went bang.

At the same time twenty five people swore that they would never touch a drop of alcohol again as the hallucinations ended.

Over the next few weeks the country was wracked by earthquakes and storms but the city itself, due to a low special effects budget, remained mostly untouched. The people of the city, though, found that they had no food and so they started killing each other. Some of them had magical powers but they didn't come with instructions so nobody did much of any use.

And across this two families fought each other for control of the city. The feud was started a long time ago when Sheila a'Peylian said that Darren E'Koyoni had been sleeping with our Doreen. Ever since then, the families had been at each others throats. The nature of the battle was simple. They would take it in turns to dress people up as red robed cultists and burn down brothels and pubs.

Of course, the feud was confused by all the other people who decided to dress up as red robed cultists and burn things down and kill people. But in the middle of all this, there was a more sinister and malevolent evil. Mrs. Void was in the area and had started to play around with tainting people. Unfortunately she was out of practice and broke most of them. She put some of them back together but they didn't work as well afterwards.

Also in the city was a man named Gando Parapluie. He was from abroad and was here for plot purposes. He persuaded everybody that he was a nice man (apart from the slave dealing) but was in fact killing lots of people on the side. There was also another man called Seer Quorn. He was another foreigner and he spouted loads of prophecies about the next magister. Things like the next magister will have a name beginning with C and has recently had a big loss in his life. And is probably an Aquarius.

Between the two of them they managed to take control of the Magister's tower and, through a not overly clear method, blew the city up. This was considered by most of the people there to be a bad thing so they died. The rest however went and built a new city and discovered the rest of the world.

Mrs Void sat in the Magister's old tower plotting. She got her mates together and sent them out to mess up the world. At the same time the Avatars of Good (TM) were sitting around wondering what the heck was going on. They decided in the end that it would spoil things if they fixed everything now so instead they left it up to a random group of people.

20 years later...

The world was at peace (in a fairly inaccurate way) and the people were all happy. Then the sun went out for a minute or so and people panicked. Oh and magical powers came back again. In a bigger way. This time across the continent people were able to do magic and they must have found the instructions because they achieved things occasionally.

Due to the eclipse the people demanded that there must be a meeting of people to determine the cause and the meaning of the portent. As is so easy in such a medieval society, a meeting was planned two months later which was going to be attended by people from across the continent.

These meetings were seen to be such good opportunities to meet people and do nasty things to each other that everybody decided to turn up every two months for the next couple of years. The meetings started off along similar lines to the ones in Taeorn with lots of civilian casualties within the first couple of meetings. As time went by though the people concerned (PCs) got their act together and stopped killing people.

Amongst other people attending this meeting was a tree hugging hippy chick who was wandering around telling people not to hurt trees. The crown prince of Nitlas who it later turned out had paedophilic desires for a 12 year old empress. Several insane dictators. A servant of lady void who was being so careful about keeping his disguise that he did in fact do nothing at all. A man who was completely insubstantial and had no physical form. There were people there from places that nobody had heard of or cared about and were there for no particular reason. There were people from all over the world but none of these were very interesting.

During the course of these meetings many interesting events transpired. One was the resurrection of the mad dead Magister. He was found lurking around by a poor hapless chap who stated in his defence: "Itís not my fault. I wanted to ally with a big evil power but I got the wrong one". Strangely, nobody really thought any worse of him afterwards.

The meeting was also visited by many interesting guests. There was a dragon who spent more time being vain than he did on almost anything else. A woman who taught the tree hugging hippy chick (mentioned earlier) all there was to know about hugging trees. A man whose clothing budget didn't extend to buying shirts. A man whose mind was a little vague and spent his life doing what he was destined to. Another who was called by some a genocidal maniac and by others the potential saviour of the world. A man in a top hat who was tainted and wasn't afraid to hide it. And these were just the more interesting ones.

As time went by the regulars at the meeting finally worked out that the world was going to be destroyed. This was due mostly to people entering the meeting and saying such things as: "I work for Mrs Void and we will kill you all," " the world will be consumed by taint and there is nothing you can do about it," and "there is a machine in Old Taeorn which will take in the taint and send it into the earth to destroy it". From these subtle clues they deduced the problems that they faced. It then took them only two months and the deaths of those who were most suited to solve the problem before they did something about it.

A big fight then ensued in Old Taeorn were Mrs Void lived. They decided that she was a wrong'un and thus killed her lots. This was not amongst the things on her "To do" list so her allies panicked. The good guys thought they had one and there was much rejoicing. Unfortunately they hadn't and conveniently the good guys had kept their meetings going so they were all together to find out.

The bad guys did the dramatic last stand thing. There was not really much of a reason for it but they did it nevertheless for traditions sake. The good guys managed a heroic fight with only a four or five to one advantage in numbers and defeated their enemies. Their last act with their magical powers consisted of giving all their power to one lady who used to be addicted to the nastiest drug around (but got better), despised most of those with magical powers, and had been lying to them about the actual nature of the ritual that they took part in. Luckily she was all right and did the right thing.

In fact all this had happened for reasons that nobody ever found out or even guessed at. If there were superior beings watching though, they would have thought it very clever and wondered about those that it mentioned. We don't know about superior beings, but those who were watching thought it was quite clever too and couldn't wait to find out what the future had in store for them...
Chris Venus