AGM: Sex, Lies and VideotapesAny similarity between the characters in this article and persons living and dead is purely coincidental. The author accepts no responsibility for medical bills incurred due to election fever.
This year's AGM was a hotbed of political tension and dramatic oration. The main event of the afternoon was surely the election for the new committee, an extraordinary show of shrewd networking and unscrupulous corruption. The feverish excitement started early on, with the kidnapping of Orinoko, who was standing for the coveted position of Committee Member Without Portfolio against the fearsome opposition presented by Chris Venus and Stuart Jenkins. While the victim of this crime was retrieved, the perpetrator was never caught. Allegations flew from nominee to nominee, but no hard evidence could be provided.
Yet the drama had barely begun, for Orinoko was not the only disappearance of the AGM. The only candidate for Nightflyer Editor, Josh Fox, was missing in action somewhere in the Cowley Road area after his bike was shot down during a dogfight with his house's bath. This would have been of little consequence to the hardy members of RPGSoc, if it were not for his failure to pay his membership fee, which would have meant that he couldn't stand. Fortunately, the swift actions of Secretary Rebecca Anniston who located him using remote communications equipment and advised him of the urgency of the matter at hand, meant that Joshua was soon on his way, and arrived with barely a second to spare before the nominations closed.
The hustings were no less dramatic than the nominations; Becky promised to rule with an iron fist in the event of her election, and none doubted her word. After a year as secretary and society game GM she had already gained a reputation as the power behind this year's committee, and shown her ability to rule autocratically. Gemma, the candidate for treasurer, has had little opportunity to show her ability to rule as yet. However, she has shown her skill as a Lord Godolphin to Becky's Harley with her Inc character, a hard nosed technician and political climber who has risen through dedication, skill, and sound technical knowledge.
The husting for Secretary was a tense battle of wits between Toby and the divine Kavitha. Kavitha set the tone for her speech with heavenly aspirations after the now legendary claim to be 'more organised than God'. Yet she backed up what might otherwise be seen as a somewhat facile claim with impressive credentials. This was compared with the more earthly tones of Toby, who denied any organisational skills of such a level. His tones of honesty and compassion were no match for the opposition's claim to power, but he put up a brave struggle against a deadly adversary.
Excepting Matthew Marcus's wonderful speech, the highlight of the afternoon must surely have been the hustings for committee member without portfolio. The event took a turn for the darker after assertions of corruption at the highest level were made during Chris Venus's speech. Becky established it after a grilling questioning that his claims to have done nothing as social secretary were in fact a shambles and a lie. These allegations were backed up by hard evidence, forcing Chris to abandon his statement and leaving his election campaign in ruins. Stuart Jenkins's meticulously planned and precisely executed bid for power looked set to win the day after his hustings in which he bravely asserted that he just wanted the job because of the all female executive, until that oratory master Orinoko stepped up to the stage. He promised sweeping reforms including world peace and the end to poverty, and faired well under cross-examination on his policy towards commons and recycling. Chris Venus's demands about weird shit were put to rest and it only remained for Orinoko to take his seat of authority.
Yet this seemed to open the floodgates. With his newly found powers, he managed to coerce the young and innocent treasurer elect into proposing that all wombles be allowed into the society. As if this was an insufficient threat to our sanity and mental stability, these proposals were supported by a request that even the fearsome Scottish McWomble be allowed into the society. The vote was passed almost unanimously; this could only be the beginning, for this was surely a pre-emptive strike in the womble's bid for world domination. Orinoko was later heard to comment 'Ha Ha Ha you fools, now you shall see the true extent of my power.' We can only wait and see.
This marked the end of perhaps the most significant event in world political history since Clement Atlee's visit to Germany in 1938 after Hitler's annexation of the Sudetenland; the end of an era that has led to the flourishing of the greatest power on the world stage in the twentieth century. But with the beginning of this new era comes a new power, one that has the capacity and the facility to influence the world for generations to come. Let us hope that this power is used wisely.