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Magic: the Lactose Intolerance

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Magic: the Lactose Intolerance

A slack Magic the Gathering league running at RPGsoc games night.

Deck Construction

Every "for-play-use" Magic card is valid, except there is no cheese. All cheesy cards are listed below. All of these are banned. Any other card is legal with the following extra rules.

The following lands...
Mishra's Factory, Bayou, Underground Sea, Badlands, Scrubland, Volcanic Island, Tundra, Taiga, Tropical Island, Savannah, Plateau, Pendelhaven, Karakas.
gain the following additional text...
"Comes into play tapped with one cheese counter on it. Remove all cheese counters in your upkeep. Lands with a cheese counter on them do not untap as normal in your untap phase. For they are cheesy."

All legendary lands come into play tapped.

Strip Mine has the following additional text...
"Comes into play tapped. Sacrifice a land when Strip Mine comes into play."

Ring of Ma'Ruf can only fetch cards from your sideboard.

All of the ante-related cards are reworded to gamble victory points (explained overleaf). Generally speaking, every occurance of a card being anted or changing ownership is replaced by that card's removal from the game and its owner anteing thirty victory points. The rewordings are at the foot of this page.

Otherwise, deck construction and play rules are what you might expect: at most four of any non-basic-land card, and at least sixty cards in a deck. No ante. Normal no-land or all-land Mulligan rules. Use the most recent wordings and errata if you know them (especially the recent ruling on Abeyance!). Clearly marked proxies are allowed. Card sleeves are allowed.

The banned list looks long, but only fourteen cards post-date 4th edition. One week's notice will be given of any changes to this list. The Banned List

Ali From Cairo	    Ivory Tower		    Nova Pentacle	    
Ancestral Recall    Jihad		    Old Man of the Sea
Army of Allah	    Juggernaut		    Psionic Blast
Balance		    Juzam Djinn		    Regrowth
Beserk		    Kird Ape		    Roc of Kher Ridges
Black Lotus	    Land Equilibrium	    Rocket Launcher
Black Vise	    Land Tax		    Sedge Troll
Braingeyser	    Library of Alexandria   Sengir Vampire
Channel		    Lich		    Serendib Djinn
Chaos Orb	    Lightning Bolt	    Serendib Efreet
Control Magic	    Mana Crypt		    Serra Angel
Cyclopean Tomb	    Mana Drain		    Shahrazad
Demonic Tutor	    Maze of Ith		    Sinkhole
Diamond Valley	    Mind Twist		    Sol Ring
Drop of Honey	    Mirror Universe	    Swords to Plowshares
Falling Star	    Mishra's Workshop	    The Abyss
Fastbond	    Moat    		    The Tabernacle at Pendrell Vale
Forcefield	    Mox Emerald		    Time Walk
Granite Gargoyle    Mox Jet		    Timetwister
Hymn to Tourach	    Mox Pearl		    Two-Headed Giant of Foriys
Hypnotic Specter    Mox Ruby	    	    Underworld Dreams
Ice Storm	    Mox Sapphire	    Wheel of Fortune	    
Icy Manipulator	    Nether Void		    Zuran Orb

Late addition: Candelabra of Tawnos

League Rules

In addition to your deck you may have a sideboard of exactly fifteen cards which is composed and used as in DCI tournaments e.g. you can't have four Impulses in your deck and four more in your sideboard. Both players can agree before the first duel of a match that they will not bother with sideboards. Matches are played best-of-three with the following Victory Points awarded.

Win Lose Draw     Winner Loser
2    0    0         100    00       Plus or minus any Victory Points won or
2    0    1          90    10	    lost due to ante cards.
2    1    0          80    20	    For example, someone who won 2-1, playing
1    0    2          70    30       Contract from Below in all three games,
1    1    1          50    50       would have a total of 50 victory points, 
0    0    3          50    50       as would his or her opponent.

The league is structureless: anyone can play anyone at any time, with the restriction that the same people can't play each other two matches in a row. Between matches, decks may be changed entirely: between duels, just changes to and from the sideboard are permitted. Make a note of what the results are and *when* the game was played: I will compile rankings, and because games can happen in any order I need the time to make sure I don't receive the same result twice (and also for a cryptic number-crunching reason).

Anyone found to have an illegal deck or sideboard loses the current duel but has a chance to fix it before the remainder of the match. If such a mistake is noticed in the second or third duel of a match, the results of earlier duels still stand: if a tree falls and nobody is there, it does not make a sound.

There is no referee: players should resolve rules questions amongst themselves, resorting to a coin flip if no guru is at hand.

League position is calculated from the average Victory Points from all league games, plus fudge factors based on the number of matches played, and, once everyone has a rank, the relative rank of opponents. The algorithm is available from me but you don't *need* to know it.

Reworded Ante Cards

Amulet of Quoz

Artifact: 6


0, Tap, Sacrifice Amulet of Quoz: Flip a coin; target opponent calls heads or tails while coin is in the air. If the flip ends up in your favor, that opponent loses the game. Otherwise, you lose the game. Use this ability only during your upkeep. The opponent may remove the top card of their library from the game and ante thirty victory points to counter this effect.

Bronze Tablet

Artifact: 6


Comes into play tapped. 4, Tap: Remove Bronze Tablet and target card in play that you do not own from the game, and you and owner of that card ante thirty victory points. That opponent may counter this effect by paying 10 life or conceding the game; if he or she does so, bury Bronze Tablet.

Contract from Below

Black Sorcery: B


Discard your current hand and draw eight new cards, removing the first drawn from the game. Ante thirty victory points.


Black Sorcery: B B B


Remove the top ten cards of your library from the game: If any card you own has been removed from the game by a non-Darkpact, ante-related spell, you may put one such card on top of your library. If you lose this duel, gain ten victory points and opponent loses ten victory points.

Demonic Attorney

Black Sorcery: B B 1


If target opponent doesn't concede the game immediately, you and that player must each ante thirty victory points and remove the top card of your libraries from the game.

Jeweled Bird

Artifact: 1


Tap: Draw a card, and remove Jeweled Bird from the game. All cards you own that were removed from the game by the effect of other ante-related cards are placed on top of your graveyard in any order. Your victory point contribution to ante is now exactly ten.
(NB this won't retrieve cards removed from the game by Darkpact, as Darkpact removes cards from the game as part of its cost, not effect)


Green Sorcery: 3 G G G


Each player may be healed to 20 lives. Any player who wishes to be healed by this effect must ante thirty victory points and remove the top card of their library from the game.

Tempest Efreet

Red Creature (3/3)
Summon Efreet: 1 R R R


Tap: Remove Tempest Efreet from the game. Choose a card at random from opponents hand and put it face up in front of you. You may play this card as if it were in your hand. Both players ante thirty victory points. Opponent may counter this effect before you pick the random card by paying ten life or conceding the game; if this is done bury Tempest Efreet.

Timmerian Fiends

Black Creature (1/1)
Summon Fiends: 1 B B


BBB, Sacrifice Timmerian Fiends: Remove Timmerian Fiends from the game. Remove target artifact owned by an opponent from the game. You and that opponent ante thirty victory points. Opponent may counter this effect by anteing thirty victory points and removing the top card of their library from the game.

[Clarification: "You ante X" means "If you win, nothing happens; if you lose, you lose X and opponent gains X"]

Author and Organiser: Mark Boyes phone 725151 e-mail: Rules bulletproofed by Jack Harris and Alexandra Ralph.