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ICON News 4


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ICON News 4

GUERILLAS IN OUR MIDST

Tired of being oppressed by the Imperium of Zhan, a few brave residents of the Aa'mey system have formed themselves into a resistance group. Calling themselves the Cknights of Aa'mey, they have heavily armed themselves from an unknown source, and successfully intercepted and destroyed many Imperial transports and raiding parties. The Imperium has declared them terrorists, and demanded that the Aameian authorities bring them to justice, or it shall do so itself.

P5 ENTERTAINS THE TROOPS - AGAIN!

P5 has visited occupied Zadani colonies, where they were well received by most colonists and by the occupying New Empire forces. The New Empire interest seemed to tail off a little recently... a spokesman was too exhausted to comment.

SLAVE LABOUR ACTIVIST DEAD

Storfried, the wellknown Karellian activist against the alleged use of slave labour in StarMerc mines near the Naxet 12 system was found dead in his apartment in Janella. He drowned in his bathtub.

AMORIA CONTACTED

Despite early fears that Amoria may have gone the way of Cymlana, fueled by reports from a number of refugees, the planet is in fact safe, with the notable exceptions of a few small areas whose inhabitants chose to resist the invading New Empire forces: kilometres-wide blackened scars mark their location. The planet is nominally entirely independent, but New Empire administrators are 'assisting' the government, and several warships have remained in the system.

RAGMA INCONVENIENCED

Across CivCore, the Ragma soldiers of the Imperium of Zhan have been plagued by a series of poisonings, explosions and failing equipment. No connection has been made between these incidents and the Cknights of Aamey, but sabotage of some kind is suspected.

RIGHTS FOR THARILS!

A senior CCF officer who wishes to remain anonymous vowed that he would not rest until all Tharils were granted their freedom. He stated that the Church's position was absurd, and that, were the Tharils to be a free people, many would still volunteer to fight alongside members of other races to help CivCore.

VICTORY FOR VLARG OVER VANDALS

The respected dignitary St'tar of the GMG has been saved from a harrowing experience by Johnny Vlarg. While St'tar was staying on the planet Arkas in the Hel system, several vandals broke into his hotel room. Johnny arrived in the nick of time and hit the vandals until they apologised, then delivered them to the police. Johnny says, "The moral of the story is: people who break into other people's hotel rooms end up feeling large amounts of pain."

ZHANIAN BASES EXPAND

In the name of greater security, the Imperial bases in the Karellian federation and on Xeros 188 and Algol have expanded and been fortified, and it is believed the Aameian base would have done likewise had not the Cknights disrupted its supply line. The authorities concerned have made half-hearted protests, but are in awe of the size of the Zhanian fleet. The Imperium claims it is preparing for a large offensive in a few months' time. When asked if this offensive is to be against the New Empire, the Imperium's spokesman replied, "Naturally."

JIHAD DECLARED BY CLAN XITRA

The Chief, or 'Maj', of Clan Xitra has declared a Jihad against the degenerate perverts on P5. He has also indicated his disapproval of the Shari people... The Jihad bars all Xitra from visiting P5, and strictly requires their ships to fire upon the brothel should they encounter it. The Jihad is thought to be partially a response to an insulting series of jokes circulating on most Matrix bulletin boards and bars on practically every world in CivCore, which portray the Xitra as misogynistic and sexually incompetent.

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The four different types of orgasm:
The positive orgasm - "oh yes, oh yes, oh YES"
The negative orgasm - "oh no, oh no, oh NO"
The religious orgasm - "oh God, oh God, oh GOD"
The fake orgasm - "Oh Xitran, oh Xitran, oh Xitran"
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SPARE SOME CHANGE

Thousands of Amorians decided to flee Amoria when the New Empire invaded, instead of waiting for an uncertain future. Most of them live now in dire need on Marc 2, needing food, shelter and a future. Please give as much as you can to the Amoria Relief Institution.

TRIUMPH AT DANGER 398

An alliance of CCF, Karellian and Zhanian forces, under the command of Rear Admiral Ankash, attacked a New Empire supply base in the newly detected Danger 398 system. Ankash and a part of his fleet blasted right through the assembled NE fleet, while the main part of his force arrived shortly thereafter, forcing the NE to retreat after heavy casualties.

XYLO SILOS

Troubled times are ahead. You need to defend yourself. I can provide you with everything you need. Arms for any purpose, no questions asked. Leave messages at node 24.20.1.20. -- Xylo Treem

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What's orange and stupid?
Xitra's fruit.
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PEACEING THINGS TOGETHER

Mantiu, the acknowledged leader of the Galactic Harmony Movement and ardent critic of the CCF, has once more denied accusations linking the movement to the Dark Legion. She has expressed a desire to act as a go-between in political debates in order to prevent them descending into war. Mantiu claims to have sent representatives of Galactic Harmony to both the Imperium and to the New Empire, and hopes for positive results.

SECURITY BLUNDER CASTS SHADOW OVER HCPD

For a period of approximately 4 minutes last week, the HCPD threw their entire archives open to public view. The error was soon corrected, but not before a reporter requesting information on HCPD doctrine discovered a deep rift within the Church. It appears that Church theologians are divided over the controversial issue of eternal life in the Matrix: traditionalists headed by High Priest Tarek argue that any member can gain a Matrix form upon death. Reactionaries, who had previously been kept quiet by the Church, argue that there is no evidence whatever for this, and that the idea of moving one's consciousness to the Matrix is no more than a dream.

VLARG VISITS

Johnny Vlarg has recently been seen wearing 'PullNStretch' Lycra costumes on his sponsored visits to the children's wards of many major planetary hospitals. Johnny says 'It does the children good to have an example, and if it cheers them up a bit it's worth my time.' One of the kids said 'Johnny's really cool, but PullNStretch Lycra is even better.'

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A Xitra man and a woman were stranded in an elevator together and they knew they were about to die. Then the woman turns to the Xitran and says "Make me feel like a woman before I die." So he takes off his clothes and says "Fold them!!"
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RACERZ ENTERS CLAN WAR

The enigmatic RacerZ, with his unique ship now featuring some impressively large weaponry, has become involved in the war between Clans Xitra and Irnab, assisting the Irnab in several small skirmishes.

WHAT'S THAT THEN?

A giant spacestation is under construction, orbiting around Nowhere 12. Nothing is yet known about the purpose or function of this giant sphere, which will, once completed rival only P5 in size. A spokesman for Irnabe mining, the company owning exclusive mining rights on Nowhere 12 was not available to comment on this construction.

KID'S STUFF

Following the great success of the R'Tani Doll Collectible Card Game, the newest hype with children all over CivCore are the R'Tani Doll Collectible Card Game Video Adventure game.

TRAITOR TRADERS

Anonymous sources tell of a trade off between a merchant of dubious morals and representatives of the New Empire. It is thought that Telhassium was being sold to the New Empire in large quantities.

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What do you call a woman who's having an affair with the most gorgeous Xitra man?
Unsatisfied.
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ZADANI APOLOGY

Jezad, the Ambassador of the Zadani government apologised publicly for the Amorian-Zadanian war. The war was "undoubtedly a misunderstanding caused for some reason as yet unknown by the Dark Legion. Amorian exile government spokeswoman B'Ghoff commented that the apology was not very helpful, now that the New Empire has conquered Amoria.

VLARG APPREHENDED

The CCF have made a secret strike to apprehend Johnny Vlarg, using hi-tech weaponry and hi-level mercenaries. The strike succeeded, and CCTV can exclusively report (although the CCF tried to stop us) that we have traced the area where Vlarg is being held to Grangor, the CCF base. We don't know what you think Johnny's done, guys, but his agent, Solomon P. McShifty, says 'Johnny's innocent of any wrongdoing. As he'd say, he's definitely one of the good guys. Why can't they go through legal channels if they've got a problem?'

MUAT-TIEN: THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE

The finals of the Muat-Tien championship consist of four challengers: Berserker, Clubman, Falcon and Maelstrom. Odds are as follows in most major bookmakers -
Berserker - 3:2 (Lauded as one of the new generation of Muat Tien fighters)
Clubman - 20:1 (Spectacular melee specialist, might not do as well here)
Falcon - 6:1 (Solid fighter, always makes a good showing)
Maelstrom - 4:1 (Relative unknown, famous for defeating a copy of Zephyr, but some say it wasn't nearly as tough as the original)

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How many Xitra men does it take to replace a lightbulb (1)?
We don't change lightbulbs: what's a woman for, anyway?
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GRANGOR FALLS TO DARK LEGION

The Dark Legion today made its most devastating strike yet, on the CCF base at Grangor. There is still confusion as to how the attack succeeded, but there has already been condemnation of CCF tactics by various planetary governments. Most of the Dark Legion was, however, destroyed in the attempt. Eyewitnesses from the CCF Intelligence Service, almost all of whom escaped alive, due to the efforts of Johnny Vlarg, tell of the vicious Lord Nemesis strangling the Grand Admiral invisibly and seemingly without effort, before turning his attention to Vlarg, who distracted him for a while before rushing the Intelligence Service to safety. It is not yet clear who will take up the post of Grand Admiral, but almost all the forces stationed at Grangor are believed to be captured or killed.

NEWSFLASH! - We have just heard that New Empire forces have entered Grangor space and sent troops down to the planet.

NEWSFLASH! - In a CCTV exclusive, we can tell our viewers that the Oracle on Grangor was destroyed in the Dark Legion raid! The Oracle, which has origins lost in the mists of time...

ROCARNA READY TO REPEL RAIDERS

Rocarna has unveiled its new defence strategy. Following the attack by the Dark Legion a few months ago, strange objects looking like giant sporeballs have been placed around the Rocarnan jump gate. It is not known what these objects are for. A path has been left clear for normal traffic, but it is clear it could be closed at any time. It is rumored this is only one part of a complex defence strategy, but no further details are available.

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How many Xitra men does it take to change a lightbulb? (2)
None, they're too busy oppressing their womenfolk.
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DARK LEGION ALLIED WITH HEL!

Aamei intelligence reported recently that the Dark Legion is allied with Hel and financed by Helyans. Soon after this discovery, their informant became strangely silent... This report was ignored by CCTV due to the known antagonism between the Aamei and Helyans, until a startling corroboration of the evidence came to light in the recent Dark Legion attack on Grangor. The CCF intelligence service, being evacuated from the area by the escaped prisoner Johnny Vlarg, discovered startling evidence on the ship they took to leave Grangor. Together with evidence gleaned from captured Dark Legion crew members, it indicates that the Helyans, in league with the Imperium of Zhan, established the Dark Legion in order to allow the Imperium to move unhindered by the CCF. The Helyan government has made a statement denying all of these claims.

BUSINESS NEWS

* Telassium prices went up over the last months by over 40%. StarMerc Trading and The Conlib Bay Trading Corporation are expected to have made major profits through this unforseen development in commodity prices.
* StarMerc announced at a press conference a major breakthrough over its main competitor, the GMG, by striking a deal with the New Empire. StarMerc agreed to supply all New Empire vessels withon CivCore with all required supplies, while being granted a license to start commercial ventures within the New Empire.

SALES OF CYMLANA DOLLS SKYROCKET

The 'Refugees of Cymlana' charity has been extremely successful with a line of soft toy Cymlana holding plastic balloons in their cutesy little paws, emblazoned with the message 'Thank you for helping me' in a chioce of 24 languages.

KARELLIANS DEFEND THARILS

Tharils have been declared sentient by the government of the Karellian Federation, and accorded all the rights due to any intelligent being. It is now illegal to hold a Tharil enslaved within the borders of the Federation: many Tharils took advantage of this fact to escape their owners as soon as the declaration was made. The HCPD has yet to comment on the situation.

SO THAT'S WHAT THE RED BUTTON DOES

It has been leaked that, at a secret research station in the Karellian federation where New Empire technology taken from a captured ship was being investigated, an experimental shipboard disintegrator cannon backfired and wiped out the entire station, together with many pieces of valuable New Empire technology.

FUNKY FLUNKS

The new rock idol Funky Banana has taken his band, the Bananas, on a tour of the New Empire. This tour marked a drastic change in his style, changing to such protest songs as "Anarchy in Yellow" and "Government and Stuff (Just Ain't My Kind of Thing)". The concerts were very poorly attended, and those New Empire members who did go are reported not to have understood the songs. The tour came to a dramatic end as Funky was accused of theft, and exploded. The rest of his entourage headed back for CivCore as fast as possible. Funky Banana has since attempted a come-back, but progress has been slow for the curvy yellow scoundrel.

DARK LEGION=PEACE??

An official Dark Legion press release, made earlier today and claiming responsibility for the attack on Grangor, stated: 'For too long the CCF has inflicted war and oppression without understanding its true consequences. As the military wing of the peace movement we take full responsibility. Down with the CCF! Down with the HCPD! Freedom for the Tharils!'

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How many Xitra men does it take to replace a light bulb? (3)
None: "Let the bitch cook in the dark!"
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MORE SEX TOYS

The Ikzari sex toys, being sold exclusively by Clan Irnab, are doing extremely well across CivCore. The Irnab slogans revolve around this theme: 'If you're a Xitra when it comes to sex, here's technology to see you through!'