Oxford University Role Playing Games Society
ICON News 7
ICON News 7
SUDDEN ABOUT TURN FOR CCF
The Imperium of Zhan has claimed the entirity of CivCore as its territory. Grand Admiral Gredin Ankash (TM) of the CCF has declared his intention to defend CivCore, and formed an uneasy alliance with the erstwhile enemies in the New Empire. Restarting cries that Ankash may have a doppleganger, Ankash made a split-second decision which took effect instantly as his somewhat depleted fleet attacked four Zhanian ships around Virgus 8. The whole of CivCore seems to have followed the lead of their brave Grand Admiral.
VIRGIN BAR OCCUPIED - OWNER IMPRISONED
The owner of the Virgin Bar was taken prisoner by the troops of the Zhanian Empire last night. His famous bar was nearly demolished in the skirmish which killed the prince of the Imperium and his honour guard, after which Imperium soldiers entered the bar and apprehended the owner and his entertainer, a member of the New Empire race known as Singers. It seems unlikely that the Virgin Bar will be opening for business in the near future.
IMPERIAL ASSASSINATION SCANDAL
Prince Quazh, a minor member of the Zhanian royal family, has been assassinated. His killer remains unidentified, since he was vaporised within a few fractions of a second, but rumour has it that several Ragma generals had been advertising in CivCore for competent killers.
FUNKY CAUSES MERCHANDISING EXPLOSION
A huge range of Funky Banana merchandise has hit CivCore. Despite the fact that most major systems are seeing pitched combat with the Imperium, sales of assorted Funky Banana tat have challenged those previously attained by the strikingly similar R'Tani products only a year ago.
WARNING: FUNKY DOLLS CAN DAMAGE YOUR CHILD'S HEALTH
Toy experts are advising parents not to buy the new 'Officially Endorsed Funky Banana Action Doll'. Although the toy comes with safety instructions, the phrase 'light blue touch paper and stand well back' is perhaps beyond the reading ability of the average three-year-old. Each toy also comes comepete with a 'Solomon P. McShifty Guarenteed Water-Tight Disclaimer', so the parents of the scorched tots have found themselves without a legal case.
ILLISTHIAN TECH REVEALED
The Tangled Web has received partial plans for a purportedly Illisthian 'replicator' device, which produces material objects on demand. The details are, however, limited to hardware specifications: vital details of software are missing.
THE AA'MEI GOVERNMENT UNCOVERED
The leader of the Cknights, who, for the moment, is still remaining anonymous, has released various pictures he has obtained of some members of the Aa'meian system's government in various comprimising positions, using some devices easily recognisable as Ikzari made. He claims the government is too concerned by its own pleasure, which is why they were incapable of dealing with a threat such as the Zhanian base. He has called for the government to be overthrown. There has not been a great response, but enough for the government to become worried.
ANOTHER DEATH STAR!
Another large, round space station with a huge gun is taking shape, this time around Shari, with its gun pointing at the jump gate. Asteroids are also moving around the jump gate in such a way as to force any ship entering the system to go past the station.
NON-INVERTIBLE TRANSFORMATION OF VECTOR
In a brave, but quite possibly very foolish, move, the renowned explorer Glenn Vector has declared that he will take on the entire Imperium of Zhan single-handed. His ship, which, for some reason, was covered in bits of Telhassium, disappeared into the jump gate in Zhan Gateway, the Rocarnans clearing a path through their minefield for him, and has not been seen since.
PANDEMONIUM ON HEL
Hel has been subjected to a series of attacks over the course of the war against the Imperium of Zhan. First, the original 'Death Star' appeared, and rained destruction down upon the capital, Freedonia. Surpisingly, property damage was limited, but most of the population were killed instantly. Helyan intelligence had, fortunately, discovered a weakness in the 'Death Star': an exhaust port via which a well-placed missile could destroy the entire ship. Twenty minutes later, the Death Star was space rubble.
Hel's troubles were not yet over, however. Apparently by coincidence an Aameian raiding force and an Ikzari warfleet arrived simultaneously and began attacked. The Aameians easily captured the capital city, most of the remaining inhabitants having fled to the surrounding jungle, and held a great celebration in honour of their leader, raising their fearsome battle-cry "We are the Cknights who say Ck'nig!". The larger Ikzari invasion was prevented by the timely arrival of New Empire assistance: the Ikzari were beaten back after some hard fighting.
At present, the Cknights are still at large on the surface of Hel.
[This and similar rants are found in various places on the Tangled Web]
At last, the galaxy burns in flames, war rages on every planet. Not only is this proof that society is self-destructive and suicidal. Not only does it vindicate my every claim that only the end of all things will end the misery and that violence is an integral part of our culture it provides us with our greatest chance to end this cycle. Take up arms against the invader, destroy his ships and his soldiers, lay waste his home and carry the war to the Emperor's palace itself. The Galaxy is burning, soon it shall burn itself out.
CCF ANNOUNCEMENT A FAKE!
'The wide band message announcing that we have declared P5 a legitimate target was a fake' said a CCF spokesman today. 'The CCF bears no ill will towards P5, although we would suggest that customers should confirm whether or not P5 is open for business BEFORE trying to approach it.' AVIS, spokesperson for P5, confirmed that P5 had not been fooled by the fake: 'It was a matter of moments for us to contact certain clients and decide to ignore the message.'
SHOWING THE WAYS OF GODS TO MAN
Reporters who managed to infiltrate colonies on Shari were amazed when what seems to have been a massive nuclear device planted at the north pole sent enormous flood waves across the planets surface. Pictures taken show the water rushing violently towards the area ruled by Pariah Solimen - and then freezing solid into massive flood barriers which seem only to be strengthened by the waves pounding against them. When we offered to remove our reporters to safety, they refused to leave and terminated their contracts, saying they had seen the light and intended to join Solimen's cavalry forces. Scenes like this have occured across Shari...
VLARG GIVES PRESS CONFERENCE
Johnny Vlarg, returning triumphant from Xenite space with the owner of the famous Virgin Bar, has given a press conference organised by Solomon P. McShifty to celebrate his success. Vlarg announced 'I had to save him. This war was nothing to do with him anyway. He's totally innocent.' The rescued man said, 'It has all been a very great shock to me. Until recently, there had been no fatalities in Virgin Bar fights for about 200 years. But thank you, Johnny.' There has been no sighting of the Singer since their capture.
The alliance consisting of the CCF, New Empire, and most CivCore planetary governments, to entirely remove the Imperium from CivCore has been a resounding success. After only a three month campaign there are no remaining Imperial forces within the bounds of CivCore. The New Empire have established embassies on every major planet, and deals are underway whereby CivCore and the New Empire will trade both resources and technology. StarMerc have reported record-breaking quarterly profits.
At the forefront of the fight were, of course, the CCF, under the inspired command of Admiral Ankash (TM - probably). They have truly proven themselves as a group dedicated to the security of CivCore as a whole, with no racial or political bias.
[Mo Holkar, Kate Harding, Neil Parkinson, Al Jackson]
As the CCF ships manouvered into position to attack the fleet at Zhan Gateway, many Ikzari transports and Rocarnan ships were spotted among the Zhanian forces. Betrayal was suspected, until, at the time when the Zhanian weapons ceased to work and their jump drives were destroyed, the transports exploded with devestating force, wrecking many nearby battleships. The Rocarnan ships released the same type of mine that have been seen in their system, which wrecked havoc among the Zhanian fleet, as well as these small, strange creatures that flitted madly around the Zhanians, eating the metal of their ships.
[Toby Powell and Sarah Keogh]
The Imperium were driven out of the Karellian Federation in total disarray by the heroic efforts of newly-promoted Admiral Ignatio Esterban. The Government has revealed that it was his inspired foresight alone that ensured the Federation were prepared for Imperial treachery, with measures in place to sabotage the jump engines they had earlier supplied to the Imperium. Once his own people were safe from this enemy, Esterban proceeded to lead Karellian forces in battles throughout CivCore, and was present when Zhan Gateway was finally secured. Attempts to proceed into the Imperium itself failed, however, when scout ships reported that their military capability is, to use a technical term 'More than us, mate.'
In a very inefficient, but impressive, move, Larmion the Flying Pariah swooped his ship low over the Zhanian base on Algol and melted it in its entirity. All that is left of the impressive military settlement is a lump of molten metal eating its way through the planet's crust.
[Hanbury Hampden-Turner, surprisingly]
Johnny Vlarg put aside his ongoing conflict with Nemesis in order to concentrate on bigger bad guys: the Imperium. After attempting to fly through a jump gate to Zhan Gateway repeatedly, he was stopped by space traffic control and offered a portable computer with which he could contact the Matrix and work out the necessary route. Accepting this aid, Vlarg was seen disappearing into the Gate without the support of a spaceship...
After some considerable time in Xenite space, in which certain Imperium leaders found themselves punched in the nose for being bad guys and in the wrong, Vlarg heroically rescued the bartender from the Virgin Bar, and rescued him from the oppressive custody, although he was unable to find Meela, the Singer. Swiftly realising that the bartender, unlike him, could not survive in zero gravity nor could he fly, Vlarg loaded him into a small Imperium craft and they made their way back to CivCore space, where they were fired upon by over-zealous troops when Vlarg couldn't work out how to switch the Imperium communications systems on. He got out of the craft and was seen waving, a small spandex covered figure, until a CivCore ship stopped and picked the two men up, taking the Imperium craft for later study.
The Handrahen showed their true power at last. Three of their spaceships, including the one identifying itself as sennex, were attacking the forces of the Imperium wherever they threatened to prevail against those of CivCore. The three ships, moving in perfect harmony at sizable fractions of light speed, proved themselves able to take on forces vastly outnumbering them, by means of incredibly advanced fighters, and some astoundingly accurate, very large explosions.
The supply bases of the Imperium were repeatedly hit by a series of explosions, poisonings, diseases, mishaps, thefts and funny-tasting drinking water, especially in and around the Karellian Federation. This severely hampered their war efforts, with up to 50% of troops on some warships down 'feeling poorly'.
Pivotal to the success of CivCore against the Imperium was the timely disabling of their weapons systems, and a block on their use of jump gates at important moments (usually when retreating). Credit for both was claimed by Xylo Treem, a mysterious CivCore merchant, who operates behind a maze of go-betweens, anonymous matrix connections, and ironclad security.
[Wouldn't you like to know?]