Monty Python's Philosophers Song

Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable,
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could drink you under the table,
David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was twice as sloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach yer 'bout the raising of the wrist,
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.

John Stewart Mill, of his own free will, on half a pint of shandy was particularly ill,
Plato, they say, could stick it away, half a crate of whisky every day,
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle, Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: "I drink, therefore I am."

Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed -
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.

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