(I came across this in the newsgroup alt.humour.best-of-usenet.)


From: Leslie Ruskin
Newsgroups: rec.arts.startrek.current,alt.tv.star-trek.voyager, rec.arts.startrek.misc,rec.arts.startrek.current,rec.arts.startrek.fandom, alt.startrek.klingon
Subject: If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation

I don't know if this has been around the net much but I couldn't stop laughing as I read it so I am forwarding it to the group.

I hope you all enjoy it.


If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation

Picard:     Sigma Indri, that's the star,
            So, Data, please, how far? How far?

Data:       Our ship can get there very fast
            But still the trip will last and last
            We'll have two days til we arrive
            But can the Indrans there survive?

Picard:     LaForge, please give us factor nine.

LaForge:    But, sir, the engines are offline!

Picard:     Offline! But why? I want to go!
            Please make it so, please make it so!

Riker:      But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
            We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
            The danger here is far too great!

Picard:     But surely we must not be late!

Troi:       I'm sensing anger and great ire.

Computer:   Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!

Picard:     The ship's on fire? How could this be?
            Who lit the fire?

Riker:      Not me.

Worf:       Not me.

Picard:     Computer, how long til we die?

Computer:   Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

Data:       May I suggest a course to take?
            We could, I think, quite safely make
            Extinguishers from tractor beams
            And stop the fire, or so it seems...

Geordi:     Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
            Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!

Picard:     Mr. Data, thank you much.
            You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.

Troi:       We still must save the Indran planet --

Data:       Which (by the way) is made of granite...

Picard:     Enough, you android. Please desist.
            We understand -- we get your gist.
            But can we get our ship to go?
            Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

Geordi:     There's sabotage among the wires
            And that's what started all the fires.

Riker:      We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
            We need to go! We need to go!

Troi:       We must seek out the traitor spy
            And lock him up and ask him why?

Worf:       Ask him why? How sentimental.
            I say give him problems dental.

Troi:       Are any Romulan ships around?
            Have scanners said that they've been found?
            Or is it Borg or some new threat
            We haven't even heard of yet?
            I sense no malice in this crew.
            Now what are we supposed to do?

Crusher:    Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
            They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
            I can't just sit and let them die!
            A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!

Picard:     Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.

Crusher:    They may be dead by Tuesday noon.


*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
 HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*


Worf:       The saboteur is in the brig.
            He's very strong and very big.
            I had my phaser set on stun --
            A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
            He would not budge, he would not fall,
            He would not stun, no, not at all!
            He changed into a stranger form
            All soft and purple, round and warm.

Picard:     Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
            Did you see this creature morph?

Worf:       I did and then I beat him fairly.
            Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.

Riker:      My commendations, Klingon friend!
            Our troubles now are at an end!

Crusher:    Now let's get our ship to fly
            And orbit yonder Indran sky!

Picard:     LaForge, please tell me we can go...?

Geordi:     Yes, sir, we can.

Picard:     Then make it so!

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