Revolting librarians > The recruiter speaks
Revolting librarians > The recruiter speaks
Being the full and complete text of a recruitment talk, including the speaker's uncensored thoughts in appraisal of his audience, and in reference to his own experiences in Librarianship, WITH CERTAIN EXCURSIONS INTO THE EMOTIONAL REALMS OF HIS MIND.
They're all in their places, with bright, shining faces...
"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen."
Boys and girls, and most especially boys...
DON'T THINK, JUST TALK, THAT'S WHAT THEY PAY YOU FOR
. . . boys and girls, bouncey young maids and unbounced old ones, maiden men and little old ladies, drop outs, wanderers, escapees from other lives and works, the lost, the weary, the malcontent, welcome to our all encompassing profession.
"I'd like to welcome you here this morning on behalf of the School of Library Arts, Information Sciences, Library Sciences, and Information Arts at the State University. Your attendance here this morning is an indication of your interest in a career in Librarianship."
Those of you capable of having an interest in anything, that is.
ALAS POOR CHILDREN, YOU WILL BE EATEN ALIVE, AND THE CAREER THAT YOU DREAM OF NOW WILL BE BEATEN TO DUST, AND FOR AS MUCH AS YOU DARE THAT MUCH WILL BE SMITTEN, AND YOU WILL END AS THE OTHERS BEGAN, HATCHING BOOKS FOR A LIVING AND SITTING BEHIND A DESK TO EARN YOUR PAY
"What can I tell you about Librarianship then, which will increase your interest?"
"The pay is good."
Not as good as a plumber with a high school education, not as good as a college graduate with a Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration, less on all levels if you're a woman.
FORGET IT, FORGET IT, JUST TALK, THEY'LL NEVER KNOW, UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE
"And there is a tremendous need for Librarians throughout the world, and especially in the United States."
The ones we have are not used, and live forever with grade school assignments. Miss Smith, please sort these cards by color, and push this cart of books to the second floor, and if you have time when you finish, arrange these books by number from one to ten.
"The world of books and information is exciting."
OH IT COULD BE, OH LORD, IT COULD BE
"The world needs books and information. No person can learn, no business can run, no scientist can create, without books and information, and information and books are, if you'll pardon me, our bag."
Information, or the withholding thereof, depends on where you work, baby.
"The kinds of information you handle, and the way you handle it depends on the kind of clientele you serve. If you want a fast-moving job, one with many demands, you may want to work in a special library, serving business, industry or institutions."
And if you're a woman, and the chances are 8 to 10 you will be, you will be treated
a. like a clerk-typist, or
b. like a man
"If the academic environment appeals to you, you may want to consider becoming an Academic Librarian. Since the fifty top academic libraries are all headed by men, you can see that opportunities in this area are especially good for men."
WITH GOOD REASON, WOMEN ARE SO EMOTIONAL, YOU JUST CAN'T GIVE THEM THAT KIND OF RESPONSIBILITY. OH MISS SMITH, PLEASE SORT THESE CARDS BY COLOR
"Women are often interested in working with children, and find great rewards in serving as Librarians in our grade and high schools. If you want to serve a broad spectrum of the public . . ."
Generally excluding the black, the poor, and people in the inner city
". . . then you will find your place in one of our many public libraries. Just as there is a type of library to suit almost every kind of person, within those libraries there is a kind of work for almost everyone."
But is there really a place for the kinds we say we want?
OH MY BRIGHT AND CREATIVE PEOPLE, OH MY SPARKLERS, MY CHANGERS, IS THERE A PLACE FOR YOU? WHY DO SO MANY OF YOU LATER FLEE TO THE FRINGES? HOW CAN I, A LIBRARIAN TURNED RECRUITER, STAND HERE AND ASK YOU TO JOIN THE PROFESSION I LEFT? AM I DOING YOU A FAVOR, OR WILL YOU LOOK BACK AT ME WITH LOATHING?
"You can help to organize the world's knowledge by being a cataloger."
Editing Library of Congress cards, one at a desk in a room full of identical desks, shuffling cards, losing sight of your mission, your ideals, if you ever had them.
"Or, if you like to work with people, you can be a Circulation Librarian, helping to put the right book in the right hands at the right time . . ."
But not in the wrong hands, not in the dirty hands, not in the black hands, and keep books on reproduction out of the young hands.
". . . organizing the system by which the public uses the collection. . ."
Fining children for overdue books.
". . . or, be the person who has all the answers, be a Reference Librarian."
Have you looked in the card catalog? Well, look again, and if you can't find it, I'll let you use my encyclopedia.
"And then there is computer science."
BEST TO LEAVE THAT ONE ALONE
"Librarianship is the kind of profession you can build a life around, or, if you're a woman with children who can only work part-time, a profession you can build around your life."
I'm sorry, Mrs. Williams, you are highly qualified, but we have no scholarships for part-time students; in fact, since we updated our program, we have done away with part-time students altogether. We feel that if someone truly wants to be a Librarian, they should be willing to make certain sacrifices.
I'm sorry, Mrs. O'Leary, we do need professional Librarians, but of course a part-time worker shouldn't expect to be paid on the same scale as a full-time worker, now should they? Our full-time employees work a straight day schedule, but if you would reconsider and accept a clerk's salary, we could put you on from 5:00 to 10:00 from Friday through Sunday, and again on Tuesday and Wednesday.
"So now, if there are no questions, let's go on to how you get to be a Librarian. Librarianship has exacting academic standards and requirements that must be met; these include a Bachelor's Degree and an undergraduate gradepoint that meets the requirements of the College or University to which you are applying. We want only the best people in our profession."
Don't worry, they'll let you in if you can read or write and have that B.A., whatever your grade point.
AND BABY, BABY, MAYBE THEY'RE RIGHT, MAYBE THEY KNOW WHAT YOU CAN'T BELIEVE, THAT IT DOESN'T TAKE BRAINS TO BE A LIBRARIAN
"Once admitted you will receive graduate level training in all phases of Librarianship."
Today we will plagiarise book annotations. Everyone annotate five children's books, following the style in Arbuthnot. Word-for-word copying will be rewarded. The assignment for tomorrow will be to memorize the Dewey Decimal System from 0 through the 300's. We have found that cataloging theory is time consuming and irrelevant. We have succeeded in convincing the Graduate School that Master's Theses are not practical for Library Science, though if one wishes to write a thesis that is allowed. I'm proud to add, however, that in the five years since that requirement was waived we have found ways to prevent those few students wishing to pursue original research for a thesis from doing so. The Graduate School has been putting pressure on us to increase our faculty and cut back on our number of students, but I think I have convinced them that the number of Librarians we produce annually is more important than the number of students in each class, or the quality of the course work. After all, the students can learn on the job once they are out there, and that means admitting as many as apply. If it turns out some are really too insane to function, we can flunk them on their comprehensives.
"You will be expected to maintain a high grade point throughout your graduate training. A 'B' average is usually required."
Now, for those of you who are new on the faculty, we see to it that all of our students maintain a 'B' average. If you find you must give a 'C' please let me know so that we can arrange a compensating 'A' in another course.
"If you successfully complete your graduate year, you will receive your Master's Degree and will be ready to go forth into your first professional position."
OH MY BABIES, I SEE YOU, BRAVE AND INNOCENT, MARCHING IN LEGIONS, CARRYING YOUR BANNERS HIGH, I HEAR THE TRUMPETS AND TEARS COME TO MY EYES
"The world of Librarianship is exciting, and there is an exciting place there for you."
OH MY PRECIOUS ONES, OH MY SPARKLERS, HOW CAN I DO THIS TO YOU? TURN NOW AND RUN BEFORE WE SYSTEMATICALLY KILL ALL THE BEAUTY IN YOU. TELL THEM! TELL THEM NOW!
"So check your qualifications, search yourselves, and if you find that you meet the standards, and that you truly want to better the world by serving others . . ."
YES, YES, PERHAPS THE ONE WHO WILL CHANGE THE WORLD IS SITTING OUT THERE RIGHT NOW
" . . . write to me for further information and application forms."